The Microsoft-English Dictionary 1.0
(What Microsoft Really Means To Say)
Article #2001-04
8 July 2001
Richard Forno (rforno@infowarrior.org)
(c) 2001 Author. Permission granted to freely reproduce - in
whole or in part for noncommercial use - with appropriate credit
to author and INFOWARRIOR.ORG.
For his novel "1984" George Orwell developed "Newspeak",
a modified English language using ambiguous or deceptive
words, metaphors, or euphemisms to influence public opinion on
various matters - a common business practice refined to an
exacting science by news media, marketing companies, and corporate
PR departments.
Nowhere is Newspeak more perfected than in the halls of the
Microsoft Campus in Redmond, Washington - a place where
legions of well-paid spin-meisters attempt to morph the reality
of their company's business, legal, and product information into
innocuous -sounding, politically-correct, calm-inducing statements
when released to the public. Naturally, this has a confusing
effect on the general public who is unfamiliar with this particular
form of language.
As a public service, this article contains a helpful list
of terms used by the company and what, in reality - not Newspeak
- such
terms actually mean. It's my hope that such insight - culled
from personal experience and the input of technology professionals
-
will cut through the Newspeak fog and assist readers in determining
for themselves what Microsoft is really saying in its public
statements.
The Microsoft-English Dictionary is organized into four sections:
(1) Legal, Marketing, and Internet Community Terms;
(2) Security-Oriented Terms; (3) Product-Related Terms; and (4)
Miscellaneous Terms.
KEY: (n) = Noun; (v)=Verb; (colloq)=Colloquial; (pl)=Plural;
(adj)=adjective
Feel free to send updates or suggestions regarding this dictionary
to rforno@infowarrior.org for possible inclusion in future
editions.
Legal, Marketing, and Internet Community Terms
"Cancer" - (1)(n) - Microsoft metaphor describing
Linux and the open source software movement. In reality, the
term best describes Microsoft's own products, starting off small
and then growing, spreading, and usually having negative effects
on its host, often requiring software "doctors" and
utilities to restore or recover such problems. Like cancer in
the human body, many hosts have been disabled or killed by such
organisims. See also "Swap Files" and "Temp Files."
"Consent Decree" - (1)(n) - Court orders requiring
a company to behave in a certain manner, usually as part of a
court-ordered punishment. (2)(n) - Something akin to a "no-no
note" that Microsoft routinely chooses to ignore while proceeding
with its overly-aggressive business practices.
"Cross-Platform" - (1)(n) - Industry standard
definition for a product that runs on multiple computing environments
(See "Platform"). (2)(n) - Microsoft's marketing term
used to mean a product that runs on any of Microsoft's 'platforms.'
(e.g., Microsoft's Java is 'cross-platform' since it runs on
Windows 95, 98, 2000, ME, and XP.)
"Embrace and Extend" -(1)(colloq.) - Microsoft
term for accepting community standards and incorporating such
standards in its products. (See "Standards").
"Embrace, Extend, Extinguish" -(1)(colloq.)
- Internet community parody on Microsoft's proclaimed "Embrace
and Extend" philosophy, particularly in light of how the
software giant interprets the term 'standards.' (See "Standards"
and "Embrace and Extend")
"External Feedback" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's
vague public justification for removing the Smart Tags feature
from Windows XP. (2)(n) - Several articles and community statements
threatening Microsoft with lawsuits over Smart Tags being used
to create derivative works from copyrighted material, and for
using its monopoly position to influence (read 'dominate' or
'control') web content. (See "Smart Tags")
"Freedom to Innovate" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's
attempt to appeal to the patriotic spirit of the consumer and
courts, implying that a failure to "innovate" (see
"Innovation") threatens software development, competition,
world order, the national economy, and may prevent Bill from
building the addition to his mansion next year.
"Great" - (1)(n) - Bill Gates' mantra to the
media (e.g., "we'll continue to make great products.....through
great software.....etc.) Often used repeatedly and annoyingly
in speeches.
"Innovation" - (1)(n) - Microsoft euphamism
for ideas they have 'borrowed' (stolen) or, in rare cases, actually
bought from other companies.
"Open Source" -(1)(n) - A generally-accepted
softwar development philosophy (AKA "CopyLeft") where
software coded through a community effort, and the software
source code is freely viewable and usable by anyone with few
restrictions - also serving as a mechanism of providing peer
review of software code by the developer community. The result
is a community development effort that produces robust and reliable
software.
(2)(n) - An industry philosophy of software development
that terrifies Microsoft.
"Platform" - (1)(n) - Industry-standard definition
referring to a specific computing environment or operating system
(e.g., Solaris, BSD, Macintosh, Windows, AIX are different platforms).
(2)(n) - Redmond term used to mean any Microsoft-developed operating
system.
"Software Piracy" -(1)(n) - The unauthorized
copying and distribution of commercial software by large organized
crime syndicates that pose a much greater economic problem for
Microsoft, not the individual consumer that they claim. (See
"Product Activation Technology" and "Heroin Economics.")
"Source Code for Windows" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's
Crown Jewels and most prized and guarded intellectual property.
Seeing it is the only true way of really learning how stable,
secure, or robust Windows is.
"Standards" - (1) (n, pl.) - What Microsoft
thinks should be the defined baseline for computing and networking
protocols. (2) (n, pl) - Microsoft's inserting of proprietary
code into computing technologies previously-agreed to and in
active use by the global computing community (e.g., Kerberos,
DNS, RTF) and then proclaiming the bastardized product as "standards-based"
though not a true "standard" in the eyes of the computing
community.
"Viral Software" -(1)(n) - Microsoft metaphor
(attempting to play on the negative connotation of the term computer
"viruses") for any software not developed or owned
by Microsoft, such as anything Linux, BSD, Mac, or Solaris based.
(2)(n) - Security community metaphor describing Microsoft products
and their propensity for both acting like and spreading real
viruses. (See also "Cancer", "Swap Files"
and "Temp Files.")
Security-Oriented Terms
"Bug" - (n)(1) - See "Issue"
"Buffer Overflow" - (1)(n) - Security condition
present in nearly all Microsoft products caused by the improper
or nonexistent limiting of input query buffers.
"Bulls-Eye" -(1)(colloq.) - Often said by security
staff conducting network penetration scans when observing the
presence of open TCP ports 135, 137, or 139, indicating a Windows
system is present.
"Could Allow" - (colloq.) - As Microsoft Security
Bulletins read, a reported vulnerability or exploit to a Microsoft
product may be a security problem ONLY when exploited by a cracker.
Implies that a security problem is not a major concern until
the exploit occurs. Example: " Authentication Error in SMTP
Service Could Allow Mail Relaying" (01-037). In reality,
the problem exists, but in Microsoft's expert judgement, the
problem is not a 'problem' until exploited and makes the news.
A real world example would be proclaiming that "guns kill
people" (a truth, but only if if the gun is handled by a
person who either loads it and pulls the trigger or uses it to
club someone. By itself, the device is harmless.)
"Issue" - (1)(n) - A feel-good euphamism used
by Microsoft referring to a security problem. (e.g., "Microsoft
has discovered an issue with......") (2)(n) - Microsoft's
implied denial that a problem exists, calling it an "issue"
instead of a "problem", "bug", "vulnerability"
or "exploit." (In the real world, how many relationships
have been broken off due to "issues" versus "problems"
with the significant other?)
"Known Issue" - (1)(n) - A feel-good euphamism
used by Microsoft referring to a previously-reported problem
(See "issue")
"Malformed" - (1)(adj) - Term used by Microsoft
to describe a security problem caused by submitting false or
modified information to an application, such as a typographic
error may direct a user to a different website than what was
intended. (2)(adj) - Term used by the security community to describe
many Microsoft products.
"Microsoft Security Bulletin" - (1)(n) Release
of documentation for a previously-undocumented feature in the
named Microsoft Product.
"Secure Microsoft Product" - (1)(n) - Any unopened,
uninstalled Microsoft product, preferably still inside its shrink-wrap.
(2)(n) - A PC running Microsoft operating systems or software
that is not connected to a network or has removable media (e.g.,
disk drives) installed...that's how Windows NT received it's
C2 endorsement from the NSA in the mid-1990s!
"Security" - (1) (n) - Something Microsoft
products lack, evidenced by the frequency of reports of major
products with vulnerable services enabled by default, or by releasing
easily-exploited software products. (2) (noun) - A concept that
is a mutually-exclusive to anything Microsoft.
"Security Response Process" - (1) (n) - Method
Microsoft uses to react to reported security problems with its
products. Runs contrary to industry-accepted standards of proactively
preventing problems through secure software design and intense
program quality assurance and abuse testing prior to release.
"Vulnerability" - (1)(n) - A reported weakness
that facilitates the compromise of a software product or system.
(2)(n) - General security community term for any computer running
Windows, networked or not.
Product-Related Terms
"Active X" - (1)(n) - Vulnerability-ridden
and explotable scripting language for Microsoft internet products.
Commonly called "Craptive-X" by the security community.
"Alpha Release" - (1)(n) - Any Microsoft product
shipped to a selected number of users who agree to test and look
for potential problems, often incorrectly labelled a "beta"
release. (See "Beta Release")
"AutoRecover" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's
key reasons for upgrading to Office XP, thus officially acknowledging
the inherent instability of previous versions of Office and Windows
products.
"Beta Release" - (1)(n) - Any shrink-wrapped
Microsoft product available for retail purchase or sold to PC
manufacturers for inclusion on new PCs. Microsoft has made its
fortunes from users who routinely pay (in many, many ways!) for
the privilege of testing Microsoft products.
"Beta Testers" -(1)(n, pl) - Software industry
term for technical folks who evaluate software prior to its public
release or sale. (2)(n, pl) - Anyone using a publicly-released
Microsoft product. (See "Beta Release")
"Blue Screen of Death" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's
few real innovations. (2)(n) - Cryptic error codes seen by users
when a Windows system crashes.
"C#" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's proprietary answer
to Sun's truly cross-platform Java language. However, C# is only
effective when used on Microsoft 'platforms'. (See "platform"
and "cross-platform").
"Clippy" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's attempt to
reincarnate Microsoft Bob (see 'Microsoft Bob') as a user's assistant,
creating a virtual paperclip notorious for second-guessing Office
users with its "It looks like you're writing a letter. Do
you want to format for a letter..." annoyances. Resurrected
in mid-2001 as a marketing ploy to generate buzz about Office
XP's "lack" of such a demon. (2)(n) - Microsoft's assumption
that all users are idiots.
"Clip Art" - (1)(n) - A method used to compromise
("hack into") a Microsoft system using seemingly-harmless
stock artwork for Microsoft Office products as evidenced by Microsoft
Security Bulletin 00-015.
"DOS" (Disk Operating System) - (1)(n) - The
decades-old file system that still serves as the underlying base
for Windows operating systems. The absence of a C prompt (command
line) does not mean that DOS is no longer part of the Windows
operating system, only that it is a bit harder to access. (See
"Microsoft Windows")
"Easter Eggs" - (1)(n,pl) - Hidden programs
and routines placed inside programs by their developers, some
of which don't get removed prior to public release.
"Enhancement" -(1)(n) - See "Service Pack"
or "Hotfix."
"Hotfix" - (1) (n) - A downloaded file used
to fix a small number of major problems. Many Service Packs contain
prior hotfixes.
"Internet Explorer" - (1)(n) - According to
Microsoft, in light of its ongoing anti-trust court proceedings,
a set of "core technologies" (not a 'separate application')
necessary for Windows to operate. (2)(n) - According to the security
community, a set of "core technologies" (not a 'separate
application') that facilitates the compromise ("hacking")
of a remote client computer by exploiting the network-centric,
vulnerable "core technology" of the operating system.
AKA "Internet Exploder". (3)(n) - Constant source of
security news.
"Internet Information Server" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's
free internet server application marketed as an 'innovative'
(See "innovation") part of the evolution of Windows
NT and 2000. See also, "Bulls-Eye". (2)(n) - Constant
source of security news.
"Knowledge Base" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's best
attempt to provide technical information on the inner workings
of its products, usually in response to a problem and its fix.
"Legacy" - (1)(adj) - Any existing product
that Microsoft wants to stop supporting in order to promote newer
ones.
"Microsoft Bob" - (1)(n) - Cutsey mid-90s attempt
to dumb down the user interface for the average (and still growing)
consumer markets. Died a quick painful death.
"Microsoft.NET." - (1)(n) - Whatever Microsoft
thinks it will entail, but definately reliant on a subscription-based
business model for internet-based services, provided such services
can stay operational.
"Microsoft Hailstorm" - (1)(n) - See .NET.
"Microsoft Outlook" - (1)(n) - Aside from USENET,
the world's most prevalent (and efficient) virus distribution
package. This includes Exchange Server, Microsoft Outlook, and
Microsoft Outlook Express products. Also called "Microsoft
Look-Out" by the security community.
"Microsoft Passport" - (1)(n) - Part of Microsoft's
new subscription-ware business model, this serves as the central
login for Microsoft users as part of .NET and Hailstorm. (2)(n)
- Single point of failure.
"Microsoft Windows" -(1)(n) - Microsoft's continual
refinement of the decades-old Disk Operating System. (See "Disk
Operating System" and "Vulnerability")
"Minimum System Requirements" - (1)(n, pl)
- What Microsoft markets as the absolute minimum that a given
product can operate on to claim a larger target market for a
product. Such specifications correctly states that a product
will be functional on such minimal requirements - but implies
that a customer will be as productive
as someone with much more computing power. (See "Windows
Ready PC") A heartbeat may be a "minimum system requirement"
for a human, but an infant can't run a marathon. (See Recommended
System Requirements")
"Preview Version" -(1)(n) - See "Alpha
Release." Also called "Technical Preview."
"Product Activation Technology" - (1)(n) -
Half-baked, easily-bypassed method intended to prevent software
piracy of Microsoft products, particularly on the consumer side,
such as Windows XP and Office XP. (2)(v) - Invasion and reduction
of the consumer's privacy and flexibility while using Microsoft
products. (3)(v) - "Raising the Price" on the one-on-one
manner of sharing software that helped Microsoft gain its monopoly
status. AKA
"Heroin Economics." (See "Heroin Economics")
"Recommended System Requirements" - (1)(n,
pl) - In reality, the minimum system configuration necessary
for average performance of a given Microsoft product. Doubling
this should yield adequate performance by the product. (See "Minimum
System Requirements")
"Remote Assistance" - (1)(n) - Feature in Windows
XP that allows a remote person to provide troubleshooting assistance
by logging onto a user's computer. (2)(n) - Making one of Microsoft's
oldest security problems a documented product "feature."
"Scalable" - (1)(n) - Microsoft claim that
a given product can grow to support ever-growing user and processing
loads, provided such growth is limited to Microsoft expectations
and 'platforms.' (See "platform")
"Service Pack" - (1) (n) - Stuff left out of
the retail release of a Microsoft product that needs to be added
to products already sold and/or in use. (2) (n) - Something that
will probably break a customer's existing system during the service
pack installation process. (3)(n) - Method used by Microsoft
to fix problems in a product which are too widespread to fix
with a simple hotfix. (See "Hotfix")
"Smart Tags" - (1)(n) - Failed attempt by Microsoft
to once again exert monopolist control, this time over any website's
content by creating unauthorized derivative works from copyrighted
material, and using its monopoly in the browser and "platform"
market to lead web surfers to Microsoft-sponsored and endorsed
products, services, and advertisers.
"Subscription-Ware" -(1)(n) - Software such
as Windows XP that users pay to use on an annual basis instead
of a one-time license. Failure to pay annual subscriptions will
render user data and/or Microsoft-based organizations unreachable
and unusable until such tribute is paid on an annual basis. (2)(n)
- Giving a corporation - software or entertainment industry -
control over a user's information and livelihood. (3)(n) - Gross
invasion of privacy. (See "UCITA")
"Swap File" - (1)(n) - Method used by Windows
to fill up and fragment users disk space.
"Temp Files" - (1)(n) - See "Swap File"
above.
"Three-Finger Salute" - (1)(n) - One of Microsoft's
first innovations. (2)(n) - The process used to reboot a computer
after a crash - often resulting in Repetitive Strain Injuries
for Windows users.
"Undocumented Feature" - (1)(n) - Previously
unknown capability of a software product. See "Microsoft
Security Bulletin."
"Upgrade" - (1)(v) - Process of introducing
new vulnerabilities to the existing customer community. (2)(n)
- New versions of software products.
"Visual Basic" - (1)(n) - Microsoft scripting
language that facilitates mass exploitation of Microsoft applications
(2)(n) - Microsoft-centric version of the Virus Creation Toolkit.
"Visual Vulnerability" - (1)(colloq.) - See
"Visual Basic."
"Windows-Compliant PC" - (1)(n) - Computers
with ever-growing and often obscene memory, processor, and hard
disk requirements for a basic installation of a Microsoft operating
system. (2)(n) - Easy target for crackers.
"Windows Droppings" - (1)(n, pl) - Temporary
files generated by various Windows applications (and the operating
system itself) that accumulate on a Windows hard drive and consume
valuable disk space. See "Temp Files."
"Windows Media Player" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's
proprietary music player and music format that is being positioned
as a pro-Hollywood music player that will give the music industry
full control over where and how a Windows user can play audio
files and music they have stored on their systems. Intended to
replace the "anarchist" and widely-popular MP3 standard
for music in favor of a closed, proprietary, privacy-invading,
corporate-controlling format.
"Windows NT" - (1)(n) - Corporate operating
system produced by Microsoft in the late 1990s. Also referred
to as "Needs Tweaking" (due to its many problems) or
"Needs Towing" (referring to the incident involving
a crashed NT server forcing a Navy vessel to be towed back to
port in 1999), "Nice Try", "Neanderthal Technology"
(for its DOS roots), "Not There", "Not Tested",
and "Not Trustworthy" among many others.
"Zero Administration" -(1)(n) - Marketing fantasy
that claims a software package requires next to no dedicated
staff to administer or support it. In Microsoft's claims of Zero
Administration, something that no Windows product can survive
with.
Miscellaneous Terms
"AOL" - (1)(n) - Microsoft's arch-enemy, a
large mega-corporation that Microsoft is insanely afraid and
jealous of now that the functionality and day-to-day importance
of the Windows OS is being threatened by the AOL Client suite
of services.
"Borg" - (1)(n, pl) - When used in relation
to Microsoft, this term refers to the Star Trek cybernetic villians
that would use overwhelming force to assimilate and incorporate
lesser beings into their ever-growing Collective.
"Heroin Economics" - Common practice of drug
dealers looking to establish a customer base by providing free
samples to "hook" users, at which time the dealer raises
his prices for his product. Since people are now dependent, they
will naturally pay whatever is necessary to obtain the substance.
In the software world, for years Microsoft tolerated software
piracy (both casual and organized) as its user base expanded
and the company became a monopoly on the desktop with millions
of "hooked" users and organizations...at which time
it raised its prices and plans to force users to pay annual tributes
to feed their dependence on Microsoft products and services.
(See "Product Activation Technology")
"Mac OS/X" - (1)(n) - Apple's new BSD-based
operating system, something that Microsoft is trying to emulate
in XP and failing miserably at.
"Microsoft" - (1)(n) - The world's largest
software company. (2)(n) - Company found guilty of being a monopoly.
(3)(n) - A threat to national and corporate information security
and stability. (4)(n) - Inventor and distributor of the most
frequently-used, attacked, and exploited software in the world.
(5)(n) - Invented the Blue Screen of Death (See "Blue Screen
of Death") and Three-Finger Salute (See "Three-Finger
Salute").
"Microsoft Tax" - (1)(n) - See "Heroin
Economics." (2)(n) - Inability or serious difficulty a computer
buyer faces when trying to purchase a computer without a pre-installed
Microsoft operating system and suite of products.
"Networking 101" - (1)(n) - Class Microsoft
engineers clearly failed when they placed all four corporate
DNS servers behind the same router. When the router failed in
early 2001, all Microsoft servers, from Passport to Hotmail and
Microsoft.Com went off-line. (Ref: "Passport Definiton #2).
"Redmond" - (1)(adj) - Synonymous to "Microsoft"
as Microsoft is the largest employer in the city of Redmond
in Washington State.
"Satan Conspiracy Theory" (1)(n) - The long-time
joke in the computer community that the ASCII value of the Microsoft
founder's name (Bill Gates, III) when added together, equals
"666".
"Tux" - (1)(n) - The name of the cute penguin
that serves as the Linux Mascot and represents many things that
Microsoft isn't. (2)(n) - The Sign of The Devil and/or a 'cancer'
(see 'Cancer') that Microsoft is fearful of.
"UCITA" - (1)(n) - An emerging commercial law
- very anti-consumer - that among other things, gives software
vendors the ability to remotely disable user computers for any
reason and binds a customer to a license agreement that they
cannot see until they open the software, thus violating an agreement
thatt they have not had the opportunity to read, examine, and
determine whether or not they wish to enter into such an agreement
with the software vendor. Software sold as "subscription-ware"
is an ideal method to exercise such controls over the customer-victims.
Often pronounced "You Cheat-Ah", referring to its anti-consumer
language. Microsoft is one of several software companies actively
supporting this policy. (See "Subscription-Ware")
"Useful PC" - (1)(n) - Any computer that is
unable to run the latest version of Windoze because the processor
is not fast enough and is recycled as a much more stable, secure,
and robust multi-user system with the installation of Linux.
(Thx to CF for this!)
Feel free to send updates or suggestions regarding this
dictionary to rforno@infowarrior.org for possible inclusion in
future editions.
(c) 2001 Author. Permission granted to freely reproduce
- in whole or in part for noncommercial use - with appropriate
credit to author and
INFOWARRIOR.ORG.
